TCB TIME

Glory be to Elvis. We open tomorrow. TCB time!



Super Sweet!

BIG POTTY!!!!!!

Well, rehearsals for Elvis In Space 2 have begun and they're going quite well.
Yours truly is playing the role of Stevie, Elvis' sidekick. Acting in the play I wrote prevents me from getting too worried and stressed during the performances. During the last EIS, I sat in the tech booth during the duration of the show. I rocked back and forth, drooling on myself. It wasn't a pretty sight.

But, alas! EXCITING NEWS about Elvis: It seems I was at a party last week and the subject of Elvis came up (as it always does)! I was discussing drugs with Dr. Todd (he's a doctor of physics). The drug conversation went from pot to pills. I revealed to Dr. Todd that Elvis had ingested so many pills that near the end of his life, Elvis' big potty was white. This has always fascinated me. Well, the good Dr. Todd suggested that the cause of this white big potty was due to angels. He stated that angels flew up Elvis' ass, causing the white big potty.

I sat there listening, my mouth wide open. Was this what the King had been trying to reveal to me all along?? If you recall my previous posts, I saw a bum washing his ass in the laundry mat. I knew it was a sign from Elvis. This sign of the bum led me to three months of investigations - and finally the good doctor gave me the answer I needed: Angels communicated with Elvis through his Ass! Glory Be to Elvis. He truly is a divine spirit!

ELVIS, PLEASE FORGIVE ME

To All My Fellow Suers:

I'm sorry for not posting for awhile. Elvis has given me other plans. I held auditions for Elvis in Space II and I almost have the entire show cast, except for one role. Let us all pray to Elvis that the role will be filled. Amen.

Recently Elvis spoke to Brother Paul and told him the following:

Elvis wants you to know that what was once dirty is now clean.
It is the universal truth of opposites.
Yin/Yang
Black/White
Heaven/Hell
Dirty Ass/Clean Ass
Elvis is truly brilliant.

While I thank Elvis for sharing this wisdom through Paul, I do have to say that I'm a little miffed that the King did not share this information with me directly. However, I'm sure Elvis has his reasons, so I must respect that.

Glory be to Elvis. Now go on and take on the day!

GLORY BE TO ELVIS

I am happy to announce that SUE is now an official congregation. Thanks to the Universal Life Church. Thanks to Elvis. Thanks to my friends and family. Now that I'm my own religion I am able to take donations. Feel free to spread the wealth. A dollar here, a dollar there, any little amount helps. If you'd like to donate to SUE email me, Rev. Jeremy Jorgenson, directly and I'll give you all the proper information.

With that said, I'm happy to announce there was another public ass incident! This time I was in a public restroom at the Caltrain depot and I saw a man dry his ass with the hand drier. First he dried his frontal region, then his ass. He was a white male, forty years in age, pants dropped down to his knees. I'm beginning to think all this ass that Elvis is exposing me to has something to do with his death.



Elvis did die in the bathroom. There is a controversy here as well in regards to what book Elvis was reading. At the time of Elvis's death reports say that Elvis was reading a book about the Shroud of Turin when he died, often cited as, "A Scientific Search For The Face Of Jesus," by Frank O. Adams. The other book that Ginger Alden (Elvis's girlfriend) and investigators at Graceland said they saw was, "Sex and Psychic Energy," though Ginger admitted this only years later.

This then leads to another question, what does this exactly have to do with Redd Foxx? I've spent hours asking Elvis this exact question. My conclusions have come to the following:
(1) Redd Foxx was the only celebrity invited to the king's wedding.
(2) He has a comic routine about washing ones ass.
(3) Elvis died on the toilet.
(4) Both marriage and death are spiritual events in our culture...

Alas, the search continues.

Glory be to Elvis, now go on and take on the day!

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!

This just in, my fellow SUEers: Andy Kaufman appeared on The Redd Foxx Comedy Hour in Sept 1977 and impersonated ELVIS, just one month after Elvis Died!!! Could Elvis, while trainning to be a member of the elite shadow government, pose as Kaufman before his entire transition took place? Kaufman was a member of the Self Realization Center. Elvis once went to the Self Realization Center and met a woman who reminded him of his Momma!

The more I dig, the deeper things get with Redd Foxx/Elvis Conspiracy! Today I learned that on November 28, 1989, the IRS stormed into the Redd Foxx home and seized all of his items, one of which was no other than a watch that Elvis gave the late great comedian.



Not only that - I found the following at IMDB, regarding watches:



In 1973 he (ELVIS) met with Led Zeppelin members Robert Plant and John Paul Jones in Los Angeles. An idol to the members of Led Zeppelin, Elvis wanted to meet "who was outselling him" at concerts (Zeppelin was in the midst of a record-breaking tour that year). A meeting was arranged with two of the four band members (Plant and Jones). Plant was so awestruck at meeting his idol in person that he could barely speak to him. Jones, nearly as awestruck as Plant, made small talk with the "King," and mentioned what a beautiful watch Elvis wore. Elvis, always the generous one, instantly traded his $5,000 gold and diamond watch for Jones' $10 Mickey Mouse watch. This broke the ice with all of them, and they became fast friends. Throughout the early '70s, members of Led Zeppelin even attended a few of Elvis' concerts, and were granted the privilege of sitting in the front row by the King himself.

I've spent hours meditating on this watch thing. Could Elvis be announcing to us all that time is just an illusion? I think so!

Glory be to Elvis!

REDD FOXX & ELVIS: The Conspiracy Continues...

I'm still trying to figure out this whole Drunk ass-washing conspiracy and what it exactly has to do with Redd Foxx and Elvis. This is what I have learned thus far:

1) A drunk came into the laundromat, Saturday, May 6th.
2) I witnessed the drunk man dip a rag into the washer and wash his ass for five minutes.
3) I know this must be a mystical sign from Elvis to teach me something...but WHAT?
4) GURUSMASHER informs me that '...this in fact might be a divine reference to the Redd Foxx 'party album', You Better Wash Your Ass!'
5) Redd Foxx was the only artist to be invited to Elvis Presley's wedding at the Aladin Hotel in Las Vegas, on May 1, 1967.

I came across this last clue today from the Grim Society:

6) "Graves of Redd Foxx and Elvis Presley's Manager - Longtime Strip headliner Redd Foxx was laid to rest here at Palm Memorial Gardens after a fatal heart attack in 1991. Foxx dominated Vegas showrooms with his filthy but hilarious stand-up comedy. He is best remembered as Fred Sanford on TV's "Sanford and Son". Foxx's real name was John Sanford, but his headstone here is inscribed with his stage name as well a a little red fox monogram. Also buried here is longtime Elvis Presley manager Colonel Tom Parker, who died of a stroke in 1997. 7600 S. Eastern Avenue."

You see, not only was Redd Foxx invited to Elvis' wedding - he's buried alongside Colonel Tom Parker. Yes indeed, Elvis has sent me on a mission. I can feel it in my bones. Take one step towards Elvis, Elvis takes three towards you.

With Elvis as my witness, I will figure out what the Redd Foxx-Elvis connection has to do with a bum washing his ass in a laundromat!

Glory be to Elvis!

EXCITING NEWS

First off, I'd like to wish Gladys Presley, Elvis' Momma and SUE's Virgin Mary, a Happy Mother's Day. If it wasn't for you, Mrs. Presley, the universe would be totally different. Glory be to Elvis.

Secondly, regarding my previous post that GURUSMASHER commented upon:

'My own limited aptitude in augury, such as it is nevertheless prompts me to mention that this in fact might be a divine reference to the Redd Foxx 'party album', You Better Wash Your Ass!
Perhaps some investigation into the possible connections between Redd and Elvis (may He sing forever) is in order.'

Well, thanks to a Google search using the names, 'Elvis Redd Foxx,' I came across the following trivia:

'Redd Foxx was the only artist to be invited to Elvis Presley's wedding at the Alladin Hotel in Las Vegas, on May 1, 1967.'

I'm happy to announce the Drunk washing his ass was indeed a sign from the King! Thank you, GURUSMASHER! I feel as though I've stumbled across a secret society. Needless to say, I'll continue to look into this 'Redd Foxx' situation. Glory be to Elvis.

SUFFERING FOR ELVIS

Glory be to Elvis.




Today, Elvis tested me. And I thank him for the tests. It means he loves me and he's making me a stronger man. At the laundrymat, the neighborhood drunk was doing his wash. I see him now everytime I do the laundry. He is six-five. Very tall. Black. Bleach blonde hair. And wore a pair of extremely small red shorts. He always dances and sings while sipping on a 40-ouncer.

While, needless to say, I smelled something very horrible in the laundrymat and I turned and saw that this man had his red shorts down to his kness. He was dancing. Dipping a rag in the wash and then washing his ass for five minutes straight. Of course, amazed by the car wreck that was unfolding in front of me, I could not stop watching. This image will remain in my head for the rest of my life.

I don't know exactly with what Elvis was testing me with today, perhaps compassion.

May Elvis live in your hearts and souls forever,
Glory be to Elvis.